My daughter is a musician and artist. She’s the Worship Pastor at the church that she helped start.
When she graduated high school she felt led to go to college and study to be a missionary. Having been following Christ since she was a child, then attending a Christian high school, it was almost inevitable that she have a crisis of faith in her first year of college. While it’s her story to tell I will say that some good, honest songs came from that struggle.
One of her songs starts with, “Welcome to the breakdown, the shakedown… I thought I’d be better at this.”
It’s a very David-ish song. It reminds me of Psalm 142 that David wrote when he was running from Saul and hiding in the Cave of Adullam.
It also reminds me of when Elijah was so depressed he wanted to die and he laid down under a broom tree. God brought him food and water.
I’m having a breakdown and shakedown and I, too, thought I’d be better at this. This waiting, the slowness of answered prayer, is really hard for me. I’m not good at waiting. I don’t like waiting. I want to yell at people I love. I want to blame them. I want to take matters into my own hands and make things happen even though I know it will amount to nothing.
The stories of David and Elijah help me know that this is a common reaction and one that God doesn’t reject you for having. But knowing that doesn’t make it any easier. I just know I’m not alone and not crazy.
I believe God loves me. I believe He has good thoughts towards me. I know He knows my future and thinks this is best path for me. I just want to know what’s going to happen, when, and why.
I guess if I knew His plans, when it was going to happen, and why it’s happening there would be no cause for faith or trust.
I suppose the right thing to do is be still, wait, and not complain or doubt. Right?
Easier said than done.
I thought I’d be better at this.
The image is a self-portrait that my daughter did when she was in art school while she was going through a very hard time. I love it!
Jill Libramento 
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