Trusting God Is Hard

We knew when Steave got laid off 10 months ago that this was something God was doing. We knew because it wasn’t something Steave did or didn’t do, the corporate entity made an indiscriminate choice. There was no one to blame or get mad at. We also knew God was up to something because we both instinctively knew that we needed to just buckle up for the ride.

This is not our first job loss rodeo to be sure. We know beyond a shadow of a doubt that job opportunities are based more on God opening or closing a door rather than based on skills, experience, or the quality of a resume.

Even after 10 months, we still know God is up to something. The doors that are slamming in our faces are illogical and silly. It makes us say, “Are you kidding me? I’m sure you’ve made a mistake.” It makes us a bit excited, however, to think about what God is preparing for us.

Of course, we have our moments. It’s been 10 months after all. We’re watching the bank account balance slowly recede. With all the rejections, we’re wondering if being a Walmart greeter is not a joke anymore but a sobering reality.

My 3am parade of thoughts is filled with images of us living at a homeless shelter, or with our kids and being in their way and a bother. Then I grab my phone and look through job listings. I start to look like a duck: on the surface I’m just gliding along, but underwater I’m paddling frantically.

Then God reminds us of His ability to provide. We get a check for $300 given to us anonymously. Thank you, Lord – and the person who obeyed.

We’re checking our hearts to make sure we’re not too proud, haughty, or arrogant to take whatever job is offered. It’s just that no job is being offered.

We are stretching our hearts into the world and asking God if we should move or maybe take this opportunity and go to the mission field. Perhaps we should buy a camper, become campground hosts and hold Sunday services for the campers. I mean, we’re up for anything I guess.

We keep looking at job listings and Steave finds that he’s overqualified and I find that most jobs I’m considering require me to be able to lift 50 pounds.

We keep looking but to be honest, we both keep hearing, “Be still and wait.” But waiting has its risks.

We want to wait well. And the more time we have to wait. the more opportunity we have to freak out, lose it, embarrass ourselves, and God. The longer we have to wait, the closer we get to being like Abraham and Sarah, taking His promise into our own hands and using our logic to decide how He should answer and taking action since He’s being so slow.

So, we’re keeping ourselves busy doing what we can with what we have. I keep writing and I keep getting rejection emails. Really nice ones, though.

My next post will be three short devotions about trusting God.

I wrote them to preach to myself.